May Happenings

Rain is here. Therefore.......so are the ants, and MASSIVE spiders. Ah! I am so glad i have a husband to kill them for me. Ants....they are just everywhere.
And I finally broke down and bought chocolate syrup!!!!!! And it was completely worth it.
My mom sent me our family pictures from march!! IT was sooo great!
Above: all of our kids.
Above: Me, Jen (another worker here) and then the 4 girls in the middle are college students.

Below: All the boys received traditional knives as parting gifts. Hmmm.




What to say? This is a key phrase in the language here. We always say, "what to say, or what to do?" It has been quite busy here. Our college students that have been with us since January just left last week. We feel like empty nesters and it was so sad to see them leave. We were able to spend their last few days here in the mountains, went rafting, and at some great food! It was so wonderful; they are so wonderful! I notice more and more each time that it frankly sucks to be left here. In meaning that it is hard to see people get on planes and leave just as it is hard to get on planes and leave people. It puts me in a funk for a good day or two. I can say that the Lord has been teaching me a lot. Teaching me about life so to speak. About not living in the future because I soooo easily do this. I receive temporary satisfaction and begin living for the next phase instead of truly living each day for the Lord as he blesses me with days to live.

Before we came to India, I would say that nick and I lived our lives on pause for a good 2 years. In many ways, I feel like those were 2 years of living in disobedience and it makes me nauceaus to think about it. Living to only come to India, for about 4 years India is all we wanted. And NOW, having only 5 months left in our term here, this chapter is nearing and end. WHAT??? How is this possible?? These past 2 weeks I have found myself going crazy inside, because what is next, what do I do, what school, where to live, how to function in America, how to apply what I've learned here, how to not work side by side with my husband day in and day out, and the all time favorite question that is asked to us, "are you coming back to india,???? Everyday, many times in a day, I have to be still and know that He is God. If not, I only live in the future and in a presumptuous state of mind.

There is a great, great, wisdom filled woman who lives down the road from me. Her name is Kari. She has lived here and worked for our company for some time. The Lord gave me perfect timing to sit with her and vomit all of my denial, fears, selfish motives, and confusion on her. She smiled all the way through, listened, and spoke from the Spirit. The Lord completely spoke through her. What is my life? What is my purpose? So often I sift through my week without even thinking about these things, and for me, that time is so easily wasted. I often catch myself drifting towards the 'american dream'.....I'm not completely sure what that is anymore, but I know that I cannot be a part of it in terms of striving for the perfect job, perfect house, or the perfect financial status. I have to allow the Lord to remind me daily that my life is His. Whether that means coming back to India in a few years, or whatever, my life is His and I only desire to be in obedience to Him. I know that with this type of work, goodbyes are what you sign up for; but this is also the only job that I can cry about while talking about what I do because it is my heart. I cry because my heart yearns for the people I work with, for the people who are in complete darkness. I know that in suffering and pain comes an overwhelming peace that only God can give, because that has been the past two years of my life.

I know that the Lord will grant wisdom in His timing and that is great for me although impatience often barges in this path. But....I want to lose my life so that I can really live.

So as I write this I am compelled to ask you, you who is reading this, what does it mean to you? What does it mean to lose your life so that you can abundantly live in Christ?

Thank you for letting me share with you my heart, and how the Lord is refining my heart. It is good therapy for me to process this into words and I am grateful for those who sincerely read it. Please leave comments, I love reading them all!